Talk Dirty To Me
by Sebastian Cusstellanos
Summary: Zer0 finds out he can change the tone of his voice. Axton is going nuts about it.


Zer0's helmet had been worn out over the past few years living on Pandora, every battle brought a new scratch to it. He didn't seem to be bothered by them however, because they didn't even affect his performances on the battlefield at all, until that one incident. One bandit managed to smash a part of his helmet, cracking his left "ear" and his sound chip, a thing that makes him talk. Although he wouldn't mind not talking for the rest of his life and only expressing his feelings via his emotes, Maya suggested getting it fixed since it looked like a half deflated football and he couldn't hear with his left ear anyway, and that irritated her whenever she needed Zer0 to do a job, she'd have to scream or grab him by his arm to get his attention.

Zer0 gave up on Maya's pressuring him, and walked over to Gaige's room, assuming that she was the brainiac of the team, the man thought that she could have it fixed in a minute. He was surprised that the Mechromancer said that she was unable to fix his sound chip due to how complicated and how foreign his parts were. She did however, fix his head dent and gave him a small bunny sticker also, Zer0 was not amused, but flashed a "3" emoticon anyway, showing his appreciation.

"Thankies Zero, but you still need your left ear and your voice chip fixed. How about going over to Moxxi? Those balloons of her hold a lot of knowledge, she might be able to fix it for ya." Gaige suggested.

Zer0 glared at her, flashing a "-_-" emoticon, indicating that he wasn't interested in needing Moxxi's aid, she would always make a bunch of innuendos and advances that were just an ear full to him.

"Aww c'mon Z! You wouldn't want Maya to nag you for the rest of your life right?"

He sighted, and got out of Gaige's room, not before he bowed, thanking the Mechro for her help, and terrible advices.

Zer0 made his way to Moxxxi's, where the bar owner was just flirting with the Commando there. He slightly tapped on Axton's shoulder, startling the dude.

"Oh hey wassup' Zero, got your helmet fixed yet?" he asked.

The Assassin flashed an X in response. "No, huh? Well, Moxxi can help, I was just talking to her about your condition." Axton looked over to Moxxi, she then reached out for his helmet inspecting them. The woman was interested in his robotic features and was eager to help, "in the back room sugar, I got all of my equipments there, I'll get you fixed, good as new." She smiled, made a gesture over the door next to the counter. Zer0 got into the room, before he could even take a look behind, Moxxi already shoved him in.

"You sure you don't wanna come in? I don't mind a third wheel." She turned over to Axton and winked, sending chills down his spine.

"Nah, I'll just be staying here chugging down these liquors, I'm pretty sure Zer0 wouldn't want me to see him without his helmet either." The soldier declined, dodging a bullet. Moxxi smirked and closed the door. She ran her hand over a switch on the wall and turned the lights on. Zer0 covered his visor for a second, briefly blinded by the bright lights. When he regained his vision, various gadgets were lying around where he was standing, a bunch of equipments and machines that he had never seen before. It was like a breath of fresh air, seeing something so, modern in a rusty, old planet filled with deaths and violence.

While Zer0 was in awe of what he was seeing, Moxxi decided to break the silence.

"Sorry for the mess darling, I haven't used this workshop for a while, most people came here only for boozes and "personal services", I barely got any customers for things like this, you are the first one after a long time."

Zer0 flashed a ":o" emoticon, indicating that he was impressed.

"Anyways, sit on that chair over there, I'll go get some tools." She pointed at a chair near a desk filled with blueprints and some robot parts, Zer0 quietly sat down while still looking around the place.

After a few minutes, Moxxi walked over with a toolbox, while… sporting a t-shirt and overalls? She seemed to notice Zer0's blank stare over her outfit and quickly exclaimed. "I-I don't want to have my outfit dirty alright!? And don't you dare tell this to anyone or I'll have Scooter skin you alive." Zer0 flashed a "o_o" in a state of panic.

Moxxi sighed, "let's just get this over with."

She unscrewed a panel on his helmet's left side and started to inspect the broken parts. "This should be easy," she mumbled and messed around with the chips and wires. Zer0 heard some static noises while Moxxi was running through his left "ear" with her tools. "Aaaand just need to replace that," suddenly, the Assassin heard a loud click over on his left side, Moxxi must had inserted something into the slot.

"Zero, can you hear me?" Moxxi said, testing his hearings. Zer0 slightly turned to the left and nodded, "alright, one part down." She sighed and went for the sound chip, it was more difficult than she thought, but nonetheless she fixed the chip with ease. While doing a final check, she noticed a small knob next to the chip, it had some scribblings above it but the letters had been worn off.

"Sugar, do you know what does this button do?" Moxxi asked.

"I'm afraid not."

Out of curiosity, she turned the knob. Zer0 jolted, he felt a spark on his throat, he turned over to Moxxi, "hey what did you-", the Assassin stopped abruptly. His voice, his usual monotone voice, was deeper than before. "My voice…" he mumbled, a bit surprised at his new voice.

"I see, so it is a voice changer." Moxxi informed, "not sure why it was hidden but here, I'll drill a hole on your helmet so you can change it anytime." She drilled a hole large enough for the knob and snapped the panel back in. "All's done, this one is on me, sugar. Now get out of my workshop." Moxxi quickly kicked Zer0 out of the room so she could do some studies. Zer0 closed the door and was greeted by the Commando.

"Well, took ya long enough, did she get ya fixed?"

"Yes, she did a great job on-"

"Woah woah woah, what's with your voice?" Axton was surprised, suddenly, Zer0 sounded so… sexy. His face grew red from the smoothness of the Assassin's voice ringing against his ears. It was… orgasmic, and he certainly wanted to hear more.

"I-"

"Hey, w-why don't you come into my room tonight? I have… something…"

"Excuse me?" Zer0 questioned.

"I-I mean, whew! This liquor is hitting me like a truck! Anyways I gotta go, later!" Axton awkwardly laughed and ran off the bar, leaving some cash behind for payment. Zer0 was dumbfounded, 'come into his room?' he thought. The Assassin brushed off and headed back to the others. At first, Gaige swooned over his new voice but soon lose it over the high pitched voice when she was messing with the voice changer. Maya stepped in, stopping Gaige before she accidently break any parts inside his helmet.

"That's enough, Gaige."

"Aww man, I wanted to play." She pouted, "he sounds so cute in that tone though! Wonder if I can do the same with DT." The pig-tailed brainiac gazed over her robot Deathtrap, a smirk rose up on her face, the poor machine already noticed its owner's behavior and did a desperate cry when Gaige pounced onto it.

Zer0 quietly changed his voice back to normal and left the chaos behind him. He walked over to the balcony to catch some fresh air, the Assassin then remembered the awkward conversation he had with Axton in the bar, he wanted to confirm if the Dahl soldier needed him in his room, for reasons unknown, but Zer0 was willing to help. He decided to knock on the Commando's door, waiting for a response. The door creaked when Axton opened it, he was surprised to see a lanky figure standing in front of his room. The soldier raised his head up to meet eyes with the man who knocked on his door. It was Zer0.

"Were you just saying/ That you needed my presence/ In your private room?" the Assassin recited a haiku in his deep, husky voice. Axton could already feel his blood pouring into his cheeks, his body heating up just from that alone. He grabbed Zer0 by his arm and yanked the guy into his room, closing the door in the process and shoved him onto the bed. The Commando then sat on the other man's groin, spreading his legs to prop himself up and try not to give too much weight on the guy below him. Axton, now bright red on his face, leaned close to Zer0's visor and gave him a small peck.

"Your voice… I want to hear them… against my ear." Axton whispered, his breathing was rather messy.

Zer0 didn't react for a moment, but then he grabbed the Commando by his shoulder and switched their position in a blink of an eye. He had Axton's wrists pinned over his head. The soldier squirmed under, tried to break the grasps but failed. Who would've thought a guy with a thin figure like Zer0 could be that strong? The cyber samurai shifted his head over to the man's ear and mumbled.

"With pleasure…"


End file.
